So here we are at 9:45 at night. Austin and I just got home from a benefit dinner for his company, and I am racking my brain to try and think of my most embarrassing moment. I kind of hate this question and always have because I literally for the life of me cannot think of any moment in my life that stands out as super embarrassing. That is both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing in that I guess I have never been embarrassed enough that it stuck with me for life, but it is a curse in that I will never have an answer to this question!
Lucky for me, Austin has a pretty hilarious, if I do say so myself, embarrassing moment story. He is far funnier than I could ever even dream of being, so I’m sure anyone reading this will get much more enjoyment out of his story (since he actually has one) than whatever my tired brain would have come up with at almost 10:00 at night. Without further ado… herrrrrrrrrrre’s Austin!
(Disclaimer: I’m being forced to write this post against my will. I in no way condone male blog writing. In fact, I think it is unnatural and might possibly qualify as cruel and unusual punishment. With that being said, I’m only doing this because I love my wife, but I will never be conned into doing it again. For any of my friends who read this (Travis)…..be gentle.)
The story takes place in the 8th grade. The epitome of social anxiety and heighted sense of self-consciousness for most American adolescents. I was nearing the end of a nearly four-year project to get my mouth in order. And by mouth I mean teeth, smile, grill, etc. You might think to yourself: oh, poor child probably had braces. You would be correct, but it didn’t stop there. You see, I was born with a genetic abnormality. The teeth that are supposed to go in between my two front teeth and my “fangs” never arrived and never will. I just don’t have those teeth, genetically speaking.
Long story short, after four years of wearing braces, we had created spaces where those teeth are supposed to go. Let me tell you, it’s not a very attractive look. The end of this period was capped off when I underwent surgery to receive implants. No, not those kind of implants… dental implants. While my mouth was healing from surgery, they put “temporary” teeth in place of those gaps. I had no idea how true the word “temporary” would end up being. Thus, the embarrassing story begins.
I was eating cafeteria lunch at school one day, sitting next to a group of buddies. I had just finished off a tasty slice of square peperoni pizza when my tongue made its way to the front of my mouth. Uh oh…one of my “temporary” teeth seemed to be out of place. No big deal, this had happened before. Standard procedure called to first locate the tooth, which was usually floating around in my mouth somewhere. Problem was, I couldn’t seem to find the little rascal this time. I looked around the table, under my Styrofoam plate, in my pocket…nowhere to be found. The enormity of my situation suddenly hit me. I had just swallowed my tooth! I was at school with still over half a day to go, and I looked like a pimple-faced jack-o-lantern. It wasn’t even October yet! Kids don’t just walk around with missing teeth in the 8th grade!
I popped out of my chair so fast, my friends at the table probably thought I was in emergency need of a restroom. I made a b-line to the nurses office and quickly informed her that I was not feeling well and didn’t have time to allow her to put that thermometer in my ear or to lay down for even a minute. I had to get outta there!! With my head down and my upper lip covering my front teeth, or what was left of them, I convinced her to let me call my mom.
“Mother, I need you to come pick me up right now,” I mumbled under my breath. “Why, what’s going on” she asked? “I just swallowed my tooth, and I need you to come get me,” I said desperately.
Luckily, she needed no more convincing. She arrived shortly after and rushed me to the dentist to put me out of my misery. I had another “temporary” tooth put on that afternoon.
Despite my personal embarrassment, I don’t even think anybody saw me or knew what happened except for my mom, the dentist, and maybe that school nurse who seemed to allow me to call home without much resistance. No matter, still one of my more embarrassing moments. I hope you enjoyed reliving that experience with me. Austin, out.
P.S. [This is Emily again!] I’m following along with the blog every day in May challenge, and today’s blog topic was to write about your most embarrassing moment, hence this post. Yahoo for helpful husbands!